NATION OF DISCRIMINATION

More than 60 years of independence and we are still discriminating shamelessly. And the sad reality is that the people of India don’t seem to be bothered and are openly continuing with this disgraceful act.

They are shying away from “certain” things around them in the society. Discrimination possesses them to the extent that they don’t even want to come in physical contact with these “certain” things. They are encouraging and promoting the age old social evil of ‘untouchability’.

Now before you jump to any conclusion, let me clarify that I am talkin about the “Taamsik” food items in our kitchens- ONION and GARLIC. Surprised? Don’t be as it’s that time of the year again when the “taamsik duo” are treated just the way Sri Raama was treated by Kekayi in Ramayana.

No one even touches them let alone eating. And If someone dares to, then there will be separate utensils and serving spoons for him/her. The duo just sit at the back of the vegetable tray like some low scoring and neglected back benchers in a maths class.

By the way, no Indian recipe is complete without them. Especially in north India, you’ll find them in nine out of ten dishes. And if they aren’t included in the main course, (highly unlikely) they still make their presence felt in the form of salad. But come Navratras, and the equation is changed dramatically. Twice every year these kings of the great Indian kitchen are reduced to a naught as they get a royal ignore.

In an average household in these nine days, it doesn’t matter if you are fasting or not, you are expected to stay away from the “taamsik duo”. But still, many people do consume them.

But do not even dare to think about the kukkad-shukkad (chicken and all non-veg items). The "taamsik duo" are still tolerable but non-veg, A BIG NO!
It is a “sin” if you indulge in it. So, in these nine days as the aunties cook bland food (no “taamsik duo” remember?), the uncles are reminded of the days when they merrily dug their teeth into butter chicken and malai tikkas.

Now before you start sympathising with the “taamsik duo” and start cursing all those who discriminate I’d say that the discrimination is absolutely justified. Why? Because these very onions have the audacity to make the multi-faceted Indian women cry in the kitchen all year long. Just imagine a women sweating in the kitchen in the sultry month of June dicing onions and tears rolling down her cheeks.

This is payback time for the women. And anything tasting sweeter than a gulab jamun dipped in chocolate and topped with ice-cream is-THE SWEET TASTE OF REVENGE!

'MAX'IMUM NONSENSE!

I just saw an ad of ‘MAX New York Life insurance’ few minutes ago. A small kid comes home and tells his parents that only two students passed the maths test. Straightaway the parents start blaming each other for the “assumed” poor result. When, suddenly the kid informs merrily that he’s one of the two who’ve passed. In fact he has got an A+. To add a cherry on the cake the father says,”aur bhejo acting classes mein”.

In a nutshell, the kid is brilliant in studies (A+ in the test) and also takes acting classes (extra-curricular activities). The ad makers clearly projected he is an ideal kid.

“What an idea Sir Ji”. We seriously need such ads. Because in our great country, every year students commit suicide because of the pressure of always achieving an outrageous percentage in each successive exam. They are forced to follow and fulfil dreams which their parent(s) couldn’t as they were a failure at it.

This is plain vulgarity as such ads prepare a mind-set that encourages excessive and fierce competition between kids. And at such a young age! Such ads give the message that failing in a test is not an option. If a child fails it is sports and games which are always blamed. Hence, if you want your kid to excel stop him from doing anything else, no matter even if it is beneficial or not.

There should be just one aim in life-learn by rote and score more than all your cousins and classmates and society friends and tuition friends and so on. See it is so easy.

Because if you do not, you will be embarrassing and humiliating your parents. How will they face your Mumbai waaley maama-maami (who visit once every five years) or the Chandigarh waaley chaacha-chaachi (with whom you parents aren't even on talking terms) or the uncle who lives down the street (because his son got into IIT).

The silly kids just don't get this, they have to understand that their parents are answerable to all of them because these were the very people who paid their education bills.

This is utter nonsense? Haven’t these stupid and dim-witted ad film makers learned anything from movies like Taare Zameen Par and 3 Idiots? Such ads are only promoting a dangerous trend-exploitation of kids in the name of education!

FINDING THE 'G-SPOT'

This is a continuation of yesterday’s blog.

The place where I dwell, Rajendra Nagar is centrally located, well-connected and adjacent to the ridge forest. It has all the facilities and amenities that one needs, be it schools, hospitals, markets, restaurants and so on. But the only and the biggest problem here is of PARKING.

Although the whole city is plagued by this issue but some residential areas are have a severe case of BPL or Below Parking Line. Sadly, Rajendra Nagar is one of them. There are very few places to park and if you find one consider yourself blessed by the almighty.

Almost all the great spots or ‘G-Spots’ are either captured by one car or the other.(belonging to the same house) The spots are “reserved” by the owners. How you ask?

Simple, cars belonging to the same household are parked next to each other. When you remove your first car, park the second in such a manner that covering half of the earlier space you capture half of the adjacent spot.

The second vehicle could be the car you got as dowry, (the tycoon you are that you need one car for the office and one for home) your father’s old chetak scooter, you can even ask your domestic help Ramu Kaka to capture the spot and cut all the vegetables and prepare the dough there only. The only aspect to be kept in mind is that THE SPOT SHOULD NOT REMAIN EMPTY! What the heck park your cat or dog if you don’t find anything else.

For a better understanding you may read the poem below:
The streets are narrow and the vehicles are broad, we’ve got everything here a Toyota, a Honda and a Ford. Everybody is buying a car have they hit a jackpot? the situation is critical, so please help us dear lord.

Hope you got the whole picture. So, as you know that the street is under construction, all hell has broken loose because there is no place to park. Some cars are parked on the main road and some in the Ganga Ram hospital parking (five minute drive from my place). The only space left (very little) is captured by the early birds. (those returning home early)

And amongst these spots is the one which I call the ‘G-Spot’ as it is suitably located, adjacent to my house. Since the last two weeks, I've been trying hard to reach home by six and capture that coveted ‘G-Spot’ as the all the uncles/aunties return home only after seven. And by the grace of god yours truly has had an awesome success record. So, I hope I’ll find the ‘G-Spot’ everyday till the time the street is under construction.

'MISSING' THE MISSING MCD!

Thanks to MCD, the street outside my home remained in a dilapidated shape for more than five long years. Every monsoon the area around my home resembled a swimming pool because of the accumulation of rainwater as the sewers were blocked-again courtesy MCD.

May be the Delhi government was planning to host some of the swimming competitions for the CWG here. Jokes apart, Diwali came early this year when two weeks back I saw the MCD guys digging up the street. After a quick confirmation I was truly elated.

Finally, after more than 10 years the MCD has woken from its deep slumber. The street outside my home was being rebuilt. But just when I thought of bursting some firecrackers, lighting diyas and candles and thanking the MCD guys, they were nowhere to be found. They had disappeared just after working for one day! Where had they gone? When would they return? Nobody knew.

So, I kept the rockets, charkhis, anars et al back in the closet. I was depressed. I was missing the missing MCD guys. It was a similar feeling a person has when he’s betrayed in love. (it reminded me of my school days)

But my neighbour, who’s a self-proclaimed local leader cum RWA president cum ‘senior member’ of DPCC cum ‘a good friend of the MCD commissioner’, said that the whole work will be finished by next week. So, I’m hoping that I’ll soon be walking on freshly laid cement and gravel.

PS: I am sorry to inform you Mr Fennel that some of the swimming events at the CWG will have to be cancelled as the crater like potholes cum swimming pools in my street will hopefully be gone by next week.