BYE BYE HINDI TV

From the last 7-8 years I have stopped watching Hindi shows on TV just because I cannot take it anymore. An absurd show with a dead script, characters wearing gaudy make up and overacting all the time is not my cup of tea.

Moreover, the loud background score which can easily bring back a comatose person to life and the weird camera angles which force me to think if the camera person is on a roller coster while shooting the whole garbage are too much to digest.

The last hindi shows that I watched were 'Just Mohabbat' and 'Aahat' (first season). But now when I recall, even those shows were just average. The reason I liked them was that I was not mature enough to judge them at that point of time.

So, for the last couple of years the only channels that I watch are Discovery/Travel and Living, Nat Geo, Fox History, M TV and [V] (only music no shows).

But today I am sad and disappointed with myself. How can I be so audacious?
How dare I underestimate the crappy power of the Indian TV Industry (ITVI). Just when I thought that TV couldn't get any worse than this, i have been ridiculed.

Shows like Uttran, Balika Vadhu, Saas Bahu Ki Manohar Kahaniya, Swyamvars and Big Boss were enough to keep me away from Hindi shows for another 100 years. But it seems that the ITVI is reciprocating the hatred.

Every night the saasu maa is insulting her 'Karamjali, manhoos' bahu for bringing bad luck and the jethaanis and devraanis are hatching plots to ruin each others lives. The conspiracies are such that they would easily put Obama/Osama to shame.

So, when the plotting, bitching and insulting is done to their hearts content and Balika Vadhu's tears dry up as she endlessly wails beacuse daadi saa is wearing a more goudy choli, in come the late night game shows which are spreading like a virus on all channels. Keep it ip ITVI your hardwork will be rewarded and so I declare that beacuse of your sincere efforts I have again been put off for at least 100 years! So, cheers!!! .

One of such stupid shows is called the 'Gold Seat' or was it the 'Gold Safe' anyway who cares. It is a very light hearted game show(no slapping and crying) where a cropped picture of a bollywood celebrity like just the eyes or the smile etc. is displayed on the screen and viewers have to call in and guess who the star is?

So, just out of curiosity I tuned into the show. So on the screen was a picture of a smiling celebrity. Now one need not had to be Einstein to figure out that it was Katrina Kaif. Even my dog could have guessed that. (That is if i had one :-(...)

The two hosts were just "out of this world". The dim-witted guy was grinning and smiling without any reason. It seemed he was so happy to be on national tv that he didn't care about anything else. The girl on the other hand had an eccentric body language. And her hands, well they seemed to have a mind of their own. The way she was gazing and speaking, she was definitely trying hard to hypnotise the viewer into calling.

Stupid lines like "I am sure you know the answer. Don't hesitate just call us" and "Sharmaiye mat, sochiye mat bas call kariye" (Do not feel shy, do not think, just call) were being spoken in a pleading manner. The cherries on the cake were the two lines "Aap jeet sakte hain 75,ooo sirf ek call me" (You are just a call away from winning Rupees 75,ooo) and "Please abhi call kariye 5664464 pe jaldi" (Please call now on 564464 fast). Which were repeated to death by the foolish anchors. The desperation just had to be seen to be believed.

A lot of people were calling in but I seriously doubted their credibility. I am sure that a majority of them were hoax calls. And if they were real, then seriously, they were a bunch of dumb souls. Katrina Kaif is one of the top stars in the industry. How can one not recognise her? Even the excited male host agreed with me when he said, "Inki photo aap me se bohot logo ke batuey me hogi". (Many of you out there must be having her pic in your wallets) Exactly, she's a household name and almost all of India drools over her.

They got at least 20 calls in a matter of 15 minutes but "surprisingly" all answers were wrong. Simply, because many of them were fake callers like, maybe the camera man of the show, producer, director, chotu and pappu-the spot boys, sitting in the studio.

But the main point was in the process the real caller i.e. the viewer sitting at home was being lured and enticed into calling. And interestingly, many of the answers were being repeated! For exmple many of the callers were giving the same names of Sushmita Sen, Mughda Godse, Bipasha Basu, Konkona Sen Sharma, Preity Zinta, Udita Goswami and Rani Mukherji continously.

More interestingly, people gave the names of actresses who are so out of work and so forgotten that one needs to think for a few seconds before recalling their face, for example Tulip Joshi, Amrita Rao, Anjana Sukhani, Hrishita Bhatt and many more. Surprisingly, no body identified her as Karina Kapoor as the name rhymes with Katrina.

Meanwhile, every caller was being addressed as a "lucky caller". What is so lucky about calling in a senseless game show? It is not as if you have won the cash prize? Utter nonsense.

Now the economics, each call costed a whopping Rupees 12 per minute! The ticker at the bottom of the screen informed that the caller would be put on hold and if (s)he wishes (s)he can disconnect. Yeah right! Anyway the caller will be contributing Rupees 12 as the money will be deducted as soon as the call gets connected, so who cares if (s)he holds the line or not. The producers have got the money.

Furthermore, there were yawning gaps between the calls. So, if the lines were free then why were the people being put on hold and if there were people waiting on the line then why were there calls not being answered???

I am sure the producers were succesfull in fooling a lot of viewers and would have easily made huge profits. Because frankly speaking many of my friends have also been duped by such shows. So, the only thing that comes to mind is that, common sense is SERIOUSLY uncommon!

FRISK AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I had gone to PVR Rivoli today with some friends to watch Phoonk 2. As we were waiting for the auditoriom doors to open, we heard a loud, shrill voice. "Are you a bloody illetrate?" asked a lady furiously. The person at the receiving end was the poor security manager of the theatre. She had created a ruckus because the security guys were not allowing her to enter the theatre. Why you wonder? Because upon checking her handbag they found sachets of supari, chewing gums and believe it or not kakris(cucumber english skinny) and a small knife! (May be the security guys were miffed because she did not had any lemons and chaat masala)

Jokes apart, the lady was fuming and in no mood to let go of her belongings. When she realised that all her stuff will be thrown into the dustbin, she created a furore. What ensued was a round of senseless arguments and excuses which were being rebuffed by the manager.

While justifying herself she said, "what can you guys do if a bomb explodes? These security measures won't make a difference. You are just fooling us with your metal detectors and checking. You can do nothing to prevent our lives. All these security measures are a mere eyewash".

Meanwhile her husband cheekily entered the hall with a choc bar in his hand. Slurping shamelessly, he evidently didn't care about the theatre's policy on outside food material. And instead of calming down his lady, who by now was literally irritating everyone with her yells and screams, was calmly checking out the various movie posters. After he was finished he joined his wife in saving the supari, gum and kakri movement. Even after 15 minutes of convincing and arguing the manager didn't budge. So, what is the best thing to do in such a situation? Exactly, the lady started making calls on her mobile. But soon everybody standing there realised that it was not working.(Maybe Manmohan Singh did not pick up as he has just returned from his tour. The poor chap must be tired.)

So, what is the next best thing to do? They stomped their feet and left the theatre. Finally, we all took a sigh of relief and at the same time the auditorium doors opened and we started to enter.

But surprisingly when she realised that no theatre personnel came to stop or apologise to her, she returned, joined the line and quietly went through the security check AGAIN. The one thing missing other than the kakris and suparis was her dignity!

This incident once again showed how fragile our egos are. Whether it is a "common" lady at Rivoli or Shahrukh Khan at the Newark airport. Frisk at your own risk, seems to be our motto. Although the security measures may not be fool proof everywhere we go, especially in India but as the saying goes something is better than nothing.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Around 4 months back I joined Facebook. Apart from the games I didn’t find anything exciting on it. But just when I was about to write it off as another run of the mill social networking site, I found a feature which first appeared to be interesting but soon started irritating me to the core and that was- “What’s on your mind?”.

Here a person can write whatever he/she feels like. So, whenever I log on, I am bombarded with stupid statements by stupid people that are all over my page. It is sad to see people so darn desperate to gain some eyeballs or just show off by indulging in such things.

I am surprised at the amount of garbage people post. One would write how he hates waking up early morning and the other would write how she’s stuck in a jam, through facebook mobile.

Majority of people have a habit of posting stuff where they intentionally hide the real thing and make indirect statements. Like; “It is pathetic” or ”I feel like killing someone”. It helps them in gaining maximum eyeballs which in turn result in maximum queries.

It has provided a new platform to “sympathy seekers”-people who cry at the drop of a hat and whine endlessly. They take pleasure by posting stuff that would attract people’s attention and provide them with sympathy and importance.

I’ve seen many dumb souls who write about problems with their families or their partner. Is it really necessary to show the world how “unlucky” you are? These people intentionally indulge in “self-pity”. For example, just a few days back a “friend” of mine had posted that she was fed up with her life, wanted to end it and couldn’t trust anybody.

I know she is a big drama queen. So, it didn’t bother me at all. But others (definitely her new internet buddies) weren’t that lucky and fell into the trap. What a followed was a series of concerned questions and senseless answers. But surprisingly, after getting her dose of attention for a few days, she was absolutely fine. She started “loving” her life again!

Another “distressed” girl wrote for her male partner, that he’s nobody to tell her what to do. She would live her life the way she wants. Everything is over. He should get the f**k out of her life.

The first thing that came to my mind was-is the guy deaf? I mean is it necessary to tell the world that you have issues with your partner? And if you are so disturbed, just call him and vent your ire. Why post it on facebook? But once again everything was fine in a matter of days and they were even contemplating marriage.

Sharing a joke with your friends or any worthwhile news is fine. But the fact of the matter is that many hopeless souls post things just for the sake of it.