A DIRTY PICTURE THAT CLEARED MY PERCEPTION

The first time I saw Vidya Balan was in a song ‘Kabhi Aana Tu Meri Gully’ by the Delhi based band Euphoria almost ten years ago. First, I wondered how such a ‘humble’ looking girl with a whitish complexion and a built that was on the heavier side could be the lead model in top band’s song.

But then going by the theme of the video of a love story in a typical Indian mohalla featuring the girl next door and a simpleton hardworking boy, I was somewhat pacified because she actually suited that character.

And soon she hit the big screen with Vidhu Vinod Chpra’s Parineeta in 2005 forcing me to sit up and take notice. Though I did not watch the movie but the teasers and the pre-release interviews were enough to give birth to strong disliking towards Balan.

Reason?

I couldn’t fathom the reasons behind her sudden appearance on the red carpet. I mean she wasn’t fair like Kareena Kapoor or had a figure like Priyanka Chopra. How could she get a film?

The first movie of hers’ that I saw was Lagey Raho Munnabhai and to be honest my disliking was gradually turning into hatred. I did not like the way she looked, talked, acted or danced.

Over the years as her career graph went north, so did my hatred. Finally it was after watching the 2009 movie ‘Paa’ that I decided that it was enough. Paa was a pathetic movie and defied any kind of logic.

Her portrayal of the character of the abla nari raising a child alone did not work for me and I decided not to watch any of her movies again.

That was until 2011 when the promos of The Dirty Picture came out. Though titillating for many I found them vulgar and joked with my friends that rather than seeing Balan dance in the rain I shall go to a village in Gurgaon and see the buffaloes bathing in a pond.

However, last Saturday I downloaded the movie for one of my colleagues and forgot to delete from my pen drive. So Monday being my weekly off I was watching the IPL highlight late Sunday night and around 2 a.m. I was done with watching TV and surfing the net.

In no mood of dozing off, I decided to watch a movie but had nothing new to watch. Then I remembered that The Dirty Picture was still in my pen drive and I don’t know what came over me but I decided to watch it.

Half an hour into the movie I could so relate to the character of Emran Hashmi’s – ABRAHAM who loathed Reshma aka Balan for the way she looked and what she did.

I would chuckle in joy whenever Hashmi ridiculed Balan especially when he said “Yeh Moti Banegi Heroine?” I was in splits.

But as the movie progressed I saw Reshma’s other side which had a very uncanny resemblance to 

Balan’s real life story.

A fat, whitish and average looking girl trying to make it big in the world of mainstream Indian cinema where without good looks, you could only end up playing the heroine’s best friend’s sister at best.

However, going by the preferences of Indians down south, who are dark skinned and like big boned girls, Reshma’s journey was a cakewalk when compared to Balan’s journey in Bollywood.

To make a mark in commercial films when competing with the likes of the Kareenas and Katreenas is no small achievement.

People like Balan are a beacon of hope for many average Indian women who look average, may wear a suit but have a modern perspective on things. They don’t starve themselves to death to attain that Zero figure bullshit. Balan proves to them that if they don’t want to they don’t have to.

I guess for so many years I was thinking what the people in Bollywood wanted me to think about the ideal Indian heroine. But screw you I say. Bring it on Balan, I am ready for more… much more.

P.S. Come to think of it, I relate to Hashmi’s charater even more now because when the movie began we were on the same side—Balan/Reshma haters but when the curtains came down, Abraham fell in love with her and me on the other hand became a strong admirer of her.    

   

AWARENESS AND EMPATHY CAN EMBOLDEN AUTISTIC PEOPLE

Whether an unreasonable airline denies them boarding or an inconsiderate doctor refuses examination, autistic people have been long facing unnecessary discrimination for no fault of theirs. Experts nonetheless believe that awareness and a little empathy are the only solutions that could improve the situation.

Worldwide, April 2 is celebrated as the World Autistic Awareness Day to highlight the need to help improve the lives of children and adults with Autism so that they can lead full and meaningful lives.

Autism is an incurable complex neurobiological condition that impacts communication, behaviour and social relationships, affecting 1 in 110 people, it has become the fastest growing global disorder.

According to experts -- Autism is an invisible condition that is an autistic person may not necessarily be on a wheel chair or on crutches so people don’t accommodate for the person. People tend to relate autism with rude behaviour and this is all because of lack of awareness.

The discrimination against autistic people is traumatising especially for the parents and there is an urgent need to spread awareness to demystify it.

As per a parent a dentist refused to check her autistic kid because she won’t sit still. The doctor neither had the time nor the patience so she was shown the door.

For 36-year-old Abha Singh, it was a harrowing experience last year when she decided to fly from Kolkata to Delhi with her autistic 13-year-old daughter.

He daughter was sitting on her seat and just flapping her arms. The next thing they know they were asked to get off the flight as her child was a potential risk to other passengers.

Its cases like these which add to the vow of the parents who are already reeling under the stress of raising an autistic child which can be quite draining both physically and mentally.

Worse there are parents who blame themselves for their child being autistic. But as per experts that’s not the right attitude and would damage both the parent as well as the child in the long run.

Instead, the best solution is to be well informed about the condition of a child and have realistic expectation.

INSIDE THE EXHILARATING KUTUMSAR CAVES OF CHHATTISGARH

Walking down the narrow, steep staircase in a rock crevice surrounded by dense foliage, a small iron door opened up to the pitch dark and intimidating Kutumsar caves. Considered as one of the longest caves in the world, the exhilarating journey which lasts for about an hour they are a must for those seeking an adrenaline rush.

Situated in the Kanger Valley National Park in Bastar which is around 350 kms from the capital Raipur, the caves have been named after the nearby village and are 40 feet deep and an amazing 4,500 feet in length.

The entrance of the cave is extremely narrow and big enough only to crawl through. However, a couple of feet down via the man-made iron staircase and the caves open up to be explored with the help of guides equipped with solar lanterns.

Once inside, the enigmatic setting will help you play out your Indiana Jones of Hardy Boys fantasies as you walk on the uneven and treacherous rocky surface thrilled by the fear of the unknown.

However, breathing in the damp air amidst pitch darkness and echoing sounds does make it a spooky adventure and a strict no-no for the faint hearted or claustrophobic.

As the torch light falls on the rocks around, mystifying and vivid stalactite and stalagmite formations on the roofs and walls are a visual treat powerful enough to trigger your imagination.

The natural patterns have formed over hundreds of years due to rain water percolating through small crevices in the rocks.

While a pattern on the roof may resemble goddess Durga another on the wall may look like an elephant or a peacock.

As you move ahead, small water pockets are inhabited by a unique species of fishes and frogs which as per the locals are genetically blind breeding in the dark depth as not even a single ray of sun penetrates inside.

There are several chambers inside the caves in all directions and in 2011 a new chamber believed to be 410 metres deep was discovered.

However, the guided tour passes through one main cave and venturing in the other chambers is prohibited and access in the main cave to is limited to a point owing to lack of oxygen.

At the very end of the main cave lies the naturally formed Shiva linga and every year on Maha Shivratri hordes of locals climb down to offer prayers.

According to local folklore, the caves were first discovered in 1951 by tribals who were hunting a porcupine and followed it inside the caves.

However, as per the official version, the caves were discovered around 1958 by geographer Shankar Prasad Tiwari.

A TRIP DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

I was surfing through my laptop last night and I came across this picture of my bike that I once owned. As I stared at it fond memories came rushing back and for a moment it seemed as if I was right there... back in those good old days with my gang of carefree friends and my beloved bike.

So, I decided to write a blog on how it all began, how I got my bike, friends and all those wonderful memories:

My romance with biking began in the year 2002 when I was in my 10^th standard. I desperately wanted a bike because I was in my teens and everyone around had one. Moreover, the funda that 'bikes attract babes' gave an adrenaline rush and sent the testosterone levels northwards.

But my bike had to be different because the Hero Honda CBZ and the Bajaj Pulsar, the two popular youth bikes were as common on Delhi roads as American soldiers in Afghanistan or Iran.

So I zeroed in on the freshly launched Hero Honda Karizma and at over 80,000 bucks -- its price tag would have burnt a huge hole in my father’s pocket.

But as I found out it wasn’t the money that would bother my parents but the bike itself as they were strictly against buying me any kind of two-wheeler considering them dangerous especially when being driven by a youth (remember the testosterone and adrenaline).

So the question of getting me a 223 cc bike with a top speed of around 110 kms was out of the picture.

And after days of endless read failed convincing, I had almost given up. However, as luck would have it one fine morning I was told that my wish had been granted.

I was ecstatic and so proud of my convincing skills. But my parents soon burst my bubble and I was told that they had agreed because when my mom came to wake me up that morning I was murmuring something about a bike in my sleep.

They got very emotional seeing my desperation and decided against their wishes.

Gratified I was but at the same time quite surprised because I knew I wanted a bike but never expected that I would get dreams about it.

So, on Sep 5^th, 2002 I got a spanking new Black Karizma—DL 9 SJ 8935—and the next couple of years were pure unadulterated fun.

Thanks to the bike and a friend, in just one month, I made as many as 10 new biker friends and we formed a gang and named it – ‘Hunting Attitude’. LOL.

Apart from the hilarious name we did indulge in some serious fun.

Like racing (the fastest I drove was 125 kmph on an empty stretch of road at 2 a.m.), long drives to Gurgaon and Noida malls, late night outings to several eating joints that remained open all night including a shack in Connaught place that served delicious Rajma Chawal and a Keema Paranthewala in Naraina.

There were early Sunday cricket matches in Buddha Jayanti Park and a hearty breakfast of Chole Bhature on the way back home.

In addition, ‘patrolling’ our neighbourhood streets everyday in search of pretty girls was a routine activity loved and enjoyed by all.

I discovered several ‘addas’ in our area in several nooks and crannies where we could savour delicious chicken rolls, maggi or just have a cigarette without being noticed by our parents or worse some aunty ji.

Come to think of it we even had fun when not riding the bike, that is when we would park our rides at one of the above mentioned addas, with a pack of cigarette and coffee (in winters only) for company, lengthy sessions of storytelling would commence.

The two topics that dominated these sessions were failed love stories or the successful erotic outings with our ‘timepass’ girlfriends.

It’s been close to ten years now and I still cherish those beautiful and memorable days all thanks to my dear Karizma and my loving parents. Wish I could turn back time… SIGH!!!

JIM CORBETT: EXPLORING THE WILD

Earlier this month my five friends and I left for Jim Corbett National Park, my second visit after a gap of six years. The trip was fantastic and we couldn’t have asked for more.

But it also brought back memories of a particular incident that took place the last time I went there with another group of friends. This is what happened:

It was a chilly January morning when we left Delhi for the park. As we reached Ramnagar, 50 kms short of Corbett at around 3 p.m. we realized that the gates for Corbet were already closed and we would have to spend the night in Ramnagar.

However, a visit to the local Uttarakhand tourism office and we were more than happy after learning what was on offer. Open air camping next to the Ramganga river, bonfire and booze—we were not going anywhere!

But as it was only 4 p.m. we decided to pass the time by going for a drive in the nearby Sitavani jungles. So, as we drove on the serpentine road deep into the woods we spotted a number of deers, peacocks, wild hens and exotic birds.

After driving for about half an hour, we saw a narrow valley covered with pebbles and moss that led to the river. So, all of us decided to go downhill. We frolicked in the ice cold water, chatted and smoked some cigarettes for about an hour or so and as it started to get dark, we decided to get back to the camp.

We got up and headed towards our car parked up the hill. As we reached the road we saw a couple of auto rickshaws parked behind our car and some locals talking to our driver. Concerned, we approached them and enquired what the matter was?

I could tell by their faces that they were delighted to see us all ALIVE! Because what they told us sent a chill down our spines.

According to them, the whole area that we were returning from was infested by poisonous snakes, lizards, scorpions and several other reptiles. On top of that jackals and wild elephants use to frequent that portion of river to drink water.

They had tried calling us but obviously we couldn’t hear them as we were a bit deep in the jungle and none of them dared to venture down the hill to inform us in person.

Flustered, we thanked our stars sat in the car and drove away. That memory is still in the back of our minds.

MOST IDIOTIC PRODUCT OF 2011

As the year 2011 draws to an end I would like to present the award of this year’s most idiotic product launch to – DETTOL NO TOUCH handwash system.

For the uninitiated— the handwash system consists of a battery powered dispenser stuffed with a bottle of liquid soap and when you place your hand under the dispenser it automatically dispenses just the right amount of soap.

According to the Dettol advertisement, a soap bar is covered with millions of bacteria and the no touch system is comparatively safer as you won’t be touching the ‘infected’ soap bar or a dispenser.

BULLSHIT!!!

The system will protect you from germs because you won’t be touching the pump but seriously, how do we wash our hands? We press the pump for soap and then wash the germs off.

So even if the soap bar or pump has HIV/AIDS or swine flu bacteria on it, wouldn’t they be killed? The problem is not the soap but in fact it’s the tap which we touch before washing and immediately after.

So, what we need are not automatic soap dispensers but automatic taps!

However, there are some foolish souls on this earth including some close friends and relatives who just can’t stop praising the ‘invention of the century.’

Well, if you are so damn senseless to dole out hundreds of rupees for the dispenser, batteries and refills when the same job can be done by a soap that would cost Rs. 20! You deserve to be mugged by such corporates.

PRABHAT FAIRY: A DIFFERENT FAIRY TALE

It was a friend’s birthday bash last night and I hit the sack at around 5 in the morning. A few smokes and songs later when I finally decided to call it a day, i was ruffled by the sounds of firecrackers.

I wondered who the hell would be burning crackers at 5:30 a.m.! that too more than two weeks after Diwali. Just as reached the window to take a look, sounds of dholkis and daflis and gurbanis started reverberating in the air and it was then that I realized that the celebrations to mark the festival of Gurpurab had begun. (The festival will be celebrated on Nov 10)

The morning prayers better known as ‘Prabhat Fairy’ start a week before the main festival. It involves devotees singing gurbanis and taking a round of the locality in which the Gurudwara is situated.

However, the fairy that is taken out on Gurpurab is huge. It involves hundreds of people and there are lots of firecrackers, food and drinks offered by residents en route. The heart of the procession is the ‘palki’ or a modified tempo decorated with garlands, flowers and balloons carrying the Guru Granth Sahib.

So as I was lying down on the bed, fond memories came rushing back as to how I loved the fairies when I was growing up.

When I was a kid my mother would take me and my cousins living nearby to these fairies every year which meant lots of free samosas, bread pakodas, badam milk and what not. The combination of gorging on piping hot food in the chilly winter morning amidst gurbanis was truly divine.

Years later I was a teenager in school the celebrations began early. Me and my group of friends would get together to decorate the ‘palki’ late into the night. We would return home at around 2 a.m. catch a couple of hours sleep and were again on the road by 5.

Couple of years down the line when we entered college, things changed a bit. The fairies were now a pass for us to stay at each other’s house and drive around on our bikes toe whole night searching for food and cigarettes.

But when the fairy began we were right there not to feast on the bread pakoras or milk but on the neighbourhood girl that we had a crush on.

And then came the sad part-- not sleeping the whole night and returning home only after 8 or 9 a.m. meant that when we hit the sack it wasn’t before 6 or 7 in the evening that we woke up.

And it was then that we realized that we had to go to school or college the following day and the festivities were all over.

That was severe depression for us and we tried our best to somehow cajole our parents into letting us take an off the next day but year after year we failed terribly.

In conclusion, had it not been for the neighbourhood gurudwara and the fairies, I think I wouldn’t have had some of the best days, experiences of my life.