ALL HAIL THE MINI SUV's

It was started by the Premier Rio, followed by the Mahindra Quanto and now the Ford EcoSport, I am increasingly growing fond of the sub 4 metre SUV’s not because they are value for money, not because they offer the practicality of an SUV at the price of a hatch and not because I am a Duster/Scorpio/Safari troll.

I like them simply because, they are playing a big role in bringing back the trend that has for ages defined SUV’s and given them their character—the tailgate mounted spare wheel!

I know that manufacturers have been forced to take this route due to the length constraints but I am not complaining.

And the launch of EcoSport has made me more ecstatic because for me it is the first proper mini SUV in India unlike the Rio which is a ‘vintage’ product and looks its age or even the Quanto, which has the genes of the ugly Xylo.

The EcoSport’s looks and design has already become the talk of the town and as it goes on to becomes a huge success, other automakers will notice and scrutinize each and every aspect of its success.

And with Indians love for SUV’s only headed north, more and more manufacturers like Honda, Hyundai, Suzuki have pulled up their socks to exploit this niche segment and their mini SUV’s will be having the rear mounted spare wheel too.

However, it’s the category above that which is not bound by this rule that I hope gets influenced by the EcoSport’s success. Maybe the next generation Scorpios/Safaris/Dusters/Terranos and even the Fortuners would be more brute looking.

And it’s not just about the looks, the rear mounted tyres also help in breaking the mass of a SUV’s which tend to have longand flat rear doors. For example take the Quanto and the Xylo and compare their rears, you will get my point.

In fact I have seen some modified Scorpio’s with rear mounted wheels and they looked AWESOME!

I've heard arguments that the wheels make the rear doors heavy but seriously how many of use our rear doors daily? Moreover, it isn't that the tyre weighs a 100 pounds and makes to door unable to operate.

Since childhood, the definition of an SUV for many of us was the good old Maruti Suzuki Gypsy, Mahindra Jeep, Armada, Bolero, Tata Sierra, Sumo, Safari and even the Willy's Jeep with rear mounted wheel always being there hallmark. Though, the Tata Estate was an exception.

Among the premium SUV’s, the Mitsubishi Pajero and Ford Endeavour sported the spare wheel and thankfully continue to do so.

But sadly, after the launch of the hugely popular Mahindra Scorpio, I feel this trend changed somewhat. 

Maybe, its success affected the thinking of the people at not only Mahindra whose future models like the 

Xylo and XUV 5OO had plain rears but also Tata as it removed the tail mounted spares from their Sumo and Safari range.

I mean it is okay for MUV’s like Qualis, Ertiga, Innova, Enjoy to have clean backs. In fact they would look silly with a rear mounted spare. But not SUV’s. After all they should have a distinct character.

BLACKBERRY, THE NEW NOKIA!

When I bought my first Blackberry back in October, 2011, I was sad, heartbroken and cheated. After all I had been a loyal Nokia user since 2002, almost a decade.

In those 10 years I had used around 15 different Nokia phones, right from the basic 5110 to the high end N 95. Though, my love for Nokia was strong, it the Finnish company that had failed me continuously over the several years.

I mean Nokia was never perfect, we all know that and there was a level of understanding that we had developed with its phones. Like the people in the 70’s and 80’s who bought ambassadors and knew that the maintenance would be easy.

Nokia was the kid who looked great but didn’t have the caliber to score above 60-65 percent in exams.

Of the 15 phones I used hardly 2 or 3 served me for a complete year without any glitches while some kept hanging, other had their software corruption, some developed hardware problems  like earphones, mic and keypad etc.

But the fact that there were no other good mobile phone brands limited the choice. 

However, with players like Apple, Blackberry, Samsung, HTC etc. entering the market we were spoilt for choice.

And like many other who broke away free I too decided to finally bid adieu to Nokia after my last phone from the company C7 which too suffered from the same genetic diseases as its predecessors.

Few drops of rain on its touch screen one day, and it stopped working. Surprisingly, the earphone and the mic too went for a toss. I was fed up and bought a curve 9300.

The first 6 months were fine. But after that it too got the Nokia syndrome. It took almost five minutes to start, its battery would get hot while charging, the phone started hanging etc.

It was Déjà vu.

Many of my friends suggested that I buy an Apple. But my girlfriend hated Whatsapp and won’t let go of BBM—our only source of interaction through day.

So, I bought a Bold 4 9900 in November 2013 which was just a shade cheaper the iPhone thinking that BB would have sorted out all the glitches in such an expensive phone.

Sadly, I have got a rude surprise. This is the seventh month of usage and it gets hot and cools down whenever it feels like, it hangs, the spacebar is not working properly etc.

But there is something about BB which I love. I just can’t put my finger on it. I love it more than an Apple. And that is why when the news of the all new Z10 and Q10 came I jumped with joy.

A fan of qwerty keypad I had set my eyes on Q10 from day one and I had heard that it would be launched around 28 to 30,000.

 It was finally launched yesterday at 45,000. Disappointed I was. The last thing BlackBerry needed now was an expensive companion model for the Z 10.

At this price-point, I expect the iPhone or the Galaxy or the One. There’s too much competition out there, from iOS, Android and Windows and BB just doesn’t command the respect it once did.

So, as BB turns into the next Nokia, it’s time to bid adieu to Canada (BB) and get myself either an America (Apple) or South Korea (Samsung) balm to heal my wounds.

  

YOU MAKE THE DAMN MOVE, FIAT!

‘Make the move my friend, make the move’ is the new ad campaign launched recently by Italian car giant Fiat and it has left me in splits.

More than 15 years in the Indian car market and several car launches later, Fiat, the Italian car manufacturer is still lying at the bottom of the sales chart with the lowest market share of 0.19 percent. 

Just two models, Linea and Punto on offer since as long as you can remember. The Grande Punto was launched way back in 2009 and since then no fresh bread has come out of Fiats' oven.  

It's startling to see such lackluster attitude from a major car company in a country like India where brands like Renault have launched half a dozen models in a year's time.  

And still, Fiat wants the customer to 'make the move'. I am forced to say that the ad campaign, as per me is a bit audacious.

And then there are the venerable issues like poor service network, expensive after sales service, and pathetic resale value of the cars and still Fiat wants Indians to 'make the move' towards the brand. Hope you are in splits now as well.

Fiat, over the last decade has made several attempts to somehow increase their market share in the country, sometimes with new car models or by offering discounts or new ‘limited’ edition variants of the existing model.

However, the company is not taking the bull by its horns. The Indian market is very unforgiving and it does not give you many chances. However, Fiat is lucky that it does make good, solid cars and more important, it had some die-hard, loyal fans.

Look at the 1.3 multi jet engine that it developed in collaboration with General Motors. It is popularly known as the ‘national engine’ of India owing to the fact that so many cars under different brands have the 1.3 under their hoods.

It is because of this reason that cars like Uno, Palio and Punto, each of which were launched at a gap of about 5-7 years sold well initially but then costumers were forced to move away due to the above written reasons. This shows that Indians still trust Fiat.

Look at brands like Nissan, Renault, Volkswagen who came to India recently and have become popular brands.

Its ok if Fiat is planning to bring in Chrysler and Jeep marques to the country but what about brand Fiat. It has been chugging along like an old steam engine, huffed and puffed.

Put some coal in the furnace and fire it up Fiat.

Launch at least three to four new models must be added to their portfolio within the next one year including new variants of Punto and Linea.

Get a small hatchback and a mini SUV with diesel hearts and price them below the competition because these two segments are the hottest in the country right now.

And finally, work hard, very hard on the after sales service and bringing down the cost of spare parts.

It will take a lot of effort to get things back on track but mind you, Fiat. Don’t screw it this time or you will keep lying at the bottom of the barrel like you have been for years now.

Take some concrete steps and only then ask us to ‘Make the move’.

PALIKA BAZAR, DELHI'S UNDERGROUND PORN HUB

Notoriously famed for being the capital’s porn hub, Palika Bazar, the underground labyrinth of shops in the heart of Delhi, is witnessing a new clientele as teenaged school and college students are giving way to labourers, rickshaw pullers and daily wage workers, who are thronging the market for cheap and easily accessible porn to satisfy their carnal urges.

I visited the market in Connaught Place, and the shopkeepers admitted that advancements in technology and the decline in the number of ‘affluent’ customers have come as a blessing in disguise for this ‘new breed’ of customers.

As people who have laptops and internet don’t come to the market anymore and it is the labour class which is driving the sales now.

With easy access to internet at homes and on mobile phones, the ‘affluent’ customers, from the middle and upper middle class have declined gradually.

The labourers are not teach-savvy nor do they have the money, so they get all the masala (porn clips) downloaded in their phones, I was informed by a shopkeeper who had a laptop in front of him that had the image of Indo-Canadian adult actress Sunny Leone in a skimpy dress as the background.

“Her clips are the most in demand,” said the man pointing to Leone who gained fame after her appearance in the fifth season of reality show Bigg Boss.

Armed with budget brand cellphones which cost anywhere between Rs. 800 to 2000 with big screens for better video playback and expandable memory, the new category of customers can have access to porn 24*7 without the fuss of owning a CD player and a TV.

Moreover, the thumbnail sized memory card, loaded with hundreds of porn clips or movies, is easy to conceal in a wallet and used when required as against stacks of CD’s and DVD’s.

The shopkeepers can download hundreds of clips on the memory card ranging from 2 GB to 10 GB for anywhere between Rs. 100 to 400 depending on the clips as well as bargaining skills.

Though the categories of the clips vary, the shopkeepers say it is the MMS clips, some real some staged, which are the most favourite. Such clips are often shot in hotel rooms, hostels or cars with or without the consent of the couples in it.

“Kand (scandals) are the most in demand,” said another shop owner with a leering smile on his face who almost snatched my mobile phone from my hand, eager to fill it up with ‘kands’at a ‘decent’ price.

According to police reports, the two men behind the brutal gangrape of a five-year-old in Delhi last week had watched porn in an inebriated state just before kidnapping the child and raping her.

The market, however has not been completely forgotten by its loyal affluent customers, who according to shopkeepers have moved beyond CD’s and are into buying sex toys, most of which are smuggled from China.

Inflatable dolls, dildos, vibrators and even sex gums which claim to work like Viagra are easily available at several shops and all you have to do is ask.

Some shops have even put the toys up on display on glass shelves to cater to the timid customers.

REMEMBERING THE PHERIWALLAHS!

Back when I was growing up, in a world far far away from Facebook, Mobile Phones and Internet. An era when the kids did nit feel the urge to inform the world that they were having a pizza at Domino's or upload pictures clicked by themselves in the lavatories of restaurants.

Those were the days when every kid in the society would come out of his/her home to rollick in the dusty streets and parks for hours desperate to win a game of pitthu, chor police, vish amrit or kho kho. A routine that everyone followed ritually.

Now there has been plenty said and written on how the kids today should venture out more and indulge in physical activities. I agree. But this blog shall focus on another aspect or should I say a perk that played a major role in forcing us to get out of our air cooled homes in the blistering heat of May and June every evening.


And that perk was the combination of -- friends, games, swings and food.

From 5 in the evening till 10 in the night, every day pheriwallahs would visit our streets one after the other at regular intervals offering food, toys and swings at dirt cheap prices.

A ride on a mini merry go round while gorging on a chilled and flavourful barf gola-- was truly heavenly. Add to that the fact that you would pay only Rs. 10 for that only made the deal sweeter.

The kulfi wallah would ring his brass bell hard in the air to let us know that he had arrived while toy seller would blow a plastic trumpet announcing his arrival.



Everyone had their own style.


The fact the chirpy kids and teens occupied the streets and indulged in hours and hours of games and sports only helped us to build an appetite and that's where the pheriwallahs, the saviours came to the rescue.


Kulfi faluda, barf gola, aaloo tikki, dal moth, cotton candy, ice creams, gol gappe, shakargandi and tangy churans... They had something for everybody.


But now, as outdoor spaces shrink with hordes of cars demanding parking space and on top of that the addiction to intenet, TV and high end video games, the pheriwallahs are a hibernated breed in our area.

Another major spoilsport is the opening up of CCD's and McD's in every nook and cranny. And frankly, no kid would like to be seen eating an aaloo tikki sandwich at a redi however, he wont mind getting the same stuff at double the price at McD's. 

That's how our society has evolved.

On seldom occasions I do see kids playing cricket in my street but that's just a one hour affair followed by talks of whether Domino's or McD's should be chosen for dinner.

It seems they just don't have the stamina to play hard like we did... For hours at a stretch.

DJ CUPID!

This incident took place exactly 6 years ago on this very day.

Those were the days; back in 2007, when my lonely heart ached for a partner what with being single for two straight years. 

It was the morning of Feb 14—Valentine’s Day, and I was headed to my college praying to get stuck by cupid, little did I know that as fate would have it, in a few hours I would be playing cupid, helping a school kid whom I had never met before help propose to her crush.

So, it was 10 a.m. and I parked my silver Tata Indica car in one of the back alleys behind my college near Bengali Market. As I got down, I saw a couple of school students from nearby Modern School, Barakhamba Road.

Armed with a huge sack of red rose petals they were making some patterns on the one of the walls of my college by sticking the petals with glue. As the lane used to be deserted even during the day, they carried on 

without being bothered.

I caught a quick glimpse and carried on towards my classroom, wondering what they were upto.

I had three good friends in my class and it was a routine affair for us to play cricket during the one hour lunch break at around 12:30 p.m. in the same back lane.

As, we approached the lane, the boys were done with their work and had made a huge heart made of red rose petals on the yellow wall and written below it was “I love you” followed by the name of a girl.

I was again confused. What’s the point of doing it here, in a back alley? Or does the girl lives in a nearby house? I wondered and opened the boot of my hatch to take out our cricket gear.

It was then that I was approached by one of the boys. He introduced himself and told me that he was going to propose to his crush who was on her way to meet him in that secluded and quiet back lane. The rose heart on the wall was ready and so was an expensive gift but there was still something missing.

A romantic song in the background at the time of the proposal!

Impressed by the lad’s style and devotion, I agreed to play DJ CUPID. He urged me to play a particular song – “pehla yeh pehle pyaar” by Kumar Sanu on full volume and let the boot remain open.

Minutes later, the girl arrived and while my friends were setting up the wickets for a match I was adjusting the bass and treble to get the perfect sound.

The girl was really taken aback as she chuckled in delight with both palms on her cheeks. The boy then went down on one knee, clichéd I know, these school kids I tell you, and proposed to her with a ring.

It was a beautiful sight and the Pioneer base tube, Sony amplifier and speakers in my car were definitely adding the magic touch. The girl said yes and they hugged, not bothered by four strangers (me and my three friends).

 Come to think of it, may be she thought were his new boyfriends’ friends as after all we were the official background music providers.

The boy before leaving thanked us all and left with his lady love. As I sat there sulking and realizing that another member of the single men’s club had left us, I was till alone… waiting for someone.

And that someone did came, minutes later, albeit it was the security guard of our college who followed the blaring sound of Kumar Sanu’s voice only to howl at us, asking kill the music as the neighbours were threatening to call the cops.

When I told him that he could have said the same thing more politely; he replied in a tender tone “bhaiya ji gaana band kar di jiye na please”. And that my friends, was the only sliver of love I got that day. Screw you cupid!  

DISILLUSIONED OR DEMENTED? TAKE YOUR CALL

I read this piece of news today which says: “Hindustan Motors Limited (HML), the makers of the good old Ambassador car in India, is focusing on SUVs and would be launching new SUVs in collaboration with Mitsubishi Motors.”

Well, I could not help but think what is wrong with Mitsubishi-HM after I read this news.

Is it that the low sales have disillusioned them and they are unable to think straight?

The two companies have an alliance for over two decades and are still lying at the bottom of the sales chart. And now they finally wake up, or so it seems, and make a silly announcement that they will bring in more SUV’s.

As there’s no point talking about the HM and Ambassador, I’ll jump to Mitsubishi.

A company which already has 4 SUVs in India – Pajero SFX, Pajero Sport, Montero and Outlander and only one sedan the Cedia (not considering the Evo as its a niche car) is talking about introducing more SUVs.

Of the five models that they sell here, 4 are SUV's and still they are at the bottom of the sales chart. So, how ill launching new SUV’s help them is beyond me.

And I have also read that they are planning to bring in cars like the Mirage and Colt.  

Though there is nothing wrong with new launches, but what’s the point if they are not going to meet the same fate as the Cedia or Outlander or Montero.

The company needs to look at the root cause of the problem. They need a major image makeover. Just because you are planning to launch new models does not mean that the Indian consumer’s interest in the brand will surge overnight.

Drastic steps and a major rejig are the need of the hour.

Mitsubishi immediately needs to break up with Hindustan Motors and pump in money to set up new dealerships and more important, much better after sales service.

Instead of focusing on SUVs, they need to focus on small cars and launch at least a three models—one to counter the Alto/Eon class, the second to compete with the likes of i10/Wagon R and maybe a premium hatch as well, but that can wait.

But the most important thing is to provide cheap spare parts and best after sales service and only then can they expect to enjoy the loyalty of the Indian customer.